I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I need to calm my uterus...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
