You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
