I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
