Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
