dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
