At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
