i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
