dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
