My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
