Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
