i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
