yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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