and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
