I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
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No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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