it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
