Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
