You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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