I think scott just propositioned me for sex
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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