i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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