dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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