I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize