I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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