Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
