Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
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I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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