theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
