I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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