I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
