Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
