whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
