I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
