I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
