At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
