I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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