I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
