I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
