how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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