tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
