you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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