woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
