Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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