I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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