I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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