Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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