My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
