What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
