My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
