seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
