If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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