I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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