why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
