I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
