So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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