i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
