Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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