I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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