I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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