clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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