You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
